A path lined with silver

Last night I went for a walk and day dreamed about a path lined with silver. One that has been there for me for a long time but I have perhaps been afraid to take it. I think I am a list-maker at heart. Lists are way of making sense of things, perhaps that's a reflection of a mental limitations I am not sure, but I do like lists. Last night under the near-full moon I made a mental list that became a real life-written down agreement with myself and now I think I'm ready to take the path.

Serenity > Excitement (No Alarms and No Surprises)

Geezers needs excitement or they incite violence, common sense, simple common sense.  Well, I am not much of a geezer today and am opting for a quiet life instead (....A hand-shake of Carbon Monoxide...). 


Well there you go, that's two lyrical references in on sentence. Haven't blogged in a while and it probably shows huh?


How do I sum up the last month or two on non-stop, non-blogging nonsense? I would summarize as follows:


Bravery - surprising success - sudden painful failure - pick-self-off-floor -  rinse and repeat.  


At this point I am reflecting on the whole thing and wondering if this is "Gods way" of shifting my perspectives in a very fundamental way? My inability to positively influence things and my gross ability to negatively affect things has perhaps taught me the biggest lesson of the last few months. It rather reminds me of this Rudyard Kipling Poem I am about to paraphrase:


If you can meet with triumph and disaster 
And treat those two imposters just the same


..Yes Mr Kipling has it right I think.. 


I am of course, ALWAYS going to be an idealist and optimist. My favorite two things about myself, and I might not be fated to always be happy and content (Happy and content don't mix with idealistic optimists) I am on my feet and definitely harder, better, faster and stronger. Bring it on bitches.

"Lux et umbra vicissum sed semper amor", Or possibly, "It ain't my war but I'm gonna finish it.."

Haven't posted in a few days but honestly this is a good sign - I took a little mental holiday :)

Ok so let's catch up on things then - I cannot help but feel a sort of momentum building and the thing is, I am not really afraid anymore- it feels good not to stand still, kind of like stepping into the sunshine after being in the shade in a short-sleeve shirt :)

I had the weirdest dream and now this mental image is stuck with me LOL - Symbolically speaking I think I may be in danger of laying waste to all in front of me in my newfound rush to free our boys? :)

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHH <<Gasps for breath>> ARRRRRRRRGHGHH!!" 

Hope is the thing with feathers

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

-Emily Dickinson

Documenting the long-term negative effects of C.H.A.V.S. on International relations and cultural perceptions and it's implications for the United Kingdom as a leader of nations.

Sure, he killed millions, but there was nothing he liked more than a good Camel...

I had a go at doing a collage for my post today (Not sure why, there is no "Why" on my blog, only a "Do-eet"). - I only have MS Paint on this PC..


Now, I realize that doing a collage like this is a bit "head-up-your-own-bum" of me, but then the whole blogging thing is to be honest - and I thought I'd leave it up here on my blog and then look at it again in 3 days and see what I think (With a fresh pair of eyes). I wonder what I will think?


I tried convincing someone that Ghengis Khan was buried by Camels today (All his men were killed so they couldn't go back and raid his tomb). I only vaguely remember this anecdote though and I am sure I got some of the details wrong but my friend has been lenient and didn't Google me into oblivion over it...


..Basically the story goes that he had his men train some Camels to walk to the site of his tomb and then go inside and lie down. Then Ghengis had all the trainers killed, and then his dead body was strapped to the Camels and they walked there way to the tomb on their own (So no one would know where it was) A good plan because Camels cannot be tortured or bribed - They would just probably have an accident on the torture-room floor and then try to bite the guy with the hot poker - and torturers don't like cleaning up camel Poo I am sure.

Almost as bad as when 2 Hedge-hogs steal a car.

I am relieved today - apparently I don't need to know ALL of the words to Star-Spangled Banner in order to pass the Citizenship test. In reading the words to the US national anthem and it definitely has lots of references to explosives - do they mean rockets like at Disneyland or are we talking the type of rockets you strap to planes?

I am pretty sure a lot of the lyrics allude to an extreme dislike of the British Redcoats (Which is a little worrying).  I think "Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution." must be about the French though, because we all know Frenchmen have stinky feet.

"Hi there, I'd like to take the Citizenship test please."







It reminds me of my first day at work in the Phoenix office (In the not-so-nice part of town) where I paused outside the door to comment that "Oh!, someone is having a firework display from the sound of it." and my American counterpart looked at me and said "Those aren't fireworks son"

In other slightly less silly news.  Today REALLY snuck up on me - I had barely had chance to worry about something before the something that I had hoped "might" happen if I had worried about it first, ummm well,  happened.

Today I feel like dancing around like a happy fool and yet at the same time I am very, very serious about getting done what needs to be done - a weird combination - Like winning the lottery in the middle of a Battle or something.  I am scared to dance around cheering in case someone blows my head off :S

Today also has a feeling of being the end of a beginning and the beginning of an end. The dust has not settled but the thumping of hooves is far away now.  So much to learn still and far to go for me but I realize how truly blessed I am and I didn't learn my lessons the hard way just to go and learn them all over again - oh no, no sir, not I.. <<whispers>> ..not I..

One final thought - Work Girl linked me "Alien Hand Syndrome" and it completely freaked me out. Apart from when I was 18 and had a massive pimple on my neck (Which I thought was a second head) I never knew there were people who's brain functioned like 2 completely separate minds. (With one person driving the hand and another the rest...)
Imagine trying to drive a car like that?  ..Almost as bad as when 2 Hedgehogs steal a car, and the Steering-wheel-Hog has to shout instructions to Pedal-Hog every 5 seconds or they crash (How else would it work? All you can do is add more Hedge-Hogs and Hedge-Hogs can't read maps and don't have a very good team-ethic to start with.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alien_hand_syndrome

My apologies to Pluto...

Pluto, my mate, I owe you one.


Maybe you are not a proper planet but maybe I am not a proper bloke either.  


...The blanks on my horoscope just got filled in and I think I would like to buy my favorite non-planet a pint of Blue-Moon to say thanks.


(Ok so maybe Pluto isn't a proper moon either but it IS blue)

Pluto is not even a real planet - how am I supposed to rely on that?!

Here is my Horoscope for today:


Pluto, the planet that rules transformation, growth and change, is now helping you to let go of a certain situation. At first, it may not seem that easy. But you should soon see things in a far more optimistic light, so have more faith in your self and prepare for better times ahead. The tide is on the turn, so don't look back, or doubt your own ability to make real progress now.


A few things jumped out at me when I read this - First of all. (And I know this is picky but) Pluto is so NOT a planet. Still, right now I WILL take all the help I can get - Asteroids.. Meteors..  maybe Haley's Comet can swing by and give me a few pointers? 


Secondly - If the tide is turning does that mean I am going to go backwards the way I started?  Because that is what a tide does.. I do not know the answer to that question myself and thats probably why I read my horoscope in the first place. But I suppose it really is my job to just fill in the gaps now - that's the general principle here right?

In essence though I like my horoscope today, somehow it fits.  Wisdom is still wisdom, wherever you can find it right? I am not sure how I would feel about Jupiter having too much of a say anyway - I mean, it's always the BIG planets that cause the trouble I bet (Like people).  I mean, when was the last time you were cut off changing lanes by a Toyota Yaris or cut off at the line for the buffet by a skinny guy? 


Jupiter is a REAL planet and therefore a scary one - a massive molten metal ball surrounded by a maelstrom of whirling toxic gases and incredible storms that would tear a ship apart in seconds and rage on and on for thousands of years.. And then even further out than the massive gas-ball - There are whole systems of moons like little worlds of their own and weird and barely explainable gravitational powers that reached out across space beyond out solar system and have all kinds of effects on everything from your internet speed to the amount of time in a day...  Ohhh I need to go and lie down now.... 

Today is D-Day - Know This...

"We shall bite them on the features!"
(Look that up immediately if it doesn't make sense)

I FORESAW the importance of the 20th January - weeks ago. I didn't plan it and I don't have a how or why, just a know and a do:









Strange then, that these events all occurred in the last 16 hours of my life:

1) A song played at just the right time for me to notice something very important.
2) I stared at the full moon and a Coyote howled (Or possibly it was David Naughton).
3) A simple phone call in the middle of the night ("You needed me and I called").
4) The most truly vivid and memorable dream of my life.
5) A message arrived, telling me only exactly what I needed to hear.
6) A notice of an end to something that somehow didn't break my spirit.

...<Turn>....click.. <Turn>... click ... <Turn>....  click ... <Turn>.. ... click... <Turn> ..... CLICK! 



...The door to the Safe has popped open, my friends.  Tomorrow I'll tell you what was in it.

5 senses and 4 dimensions are not enough to explain. I am arriving just as the main event starts it seems. It's still dark and the waves are splashing a bit but I can see a lighthouse or two and my arms feel like they can row a boat and chew the stink out of a cigar about now.

Strength, confidence and motion are all seeping back into me, like hot soup into a dried up crouton. Yes, I admit it now, I was a dumpling in the broth of life. So what, eat me.

My friend (The ENFP) and me (The INFJ)

IM Transcript between me and my friend (The ENFP) and me (The INFJ). The red circle is where all the silliness is located.

ENFP... I crash fast
INFJ... Caffiene?
ENFP... no
ENFP... I have no energy
INFJ... you need to recouperate
ENFP... LETS BUY TULIPS!
INFJ... YES!
ENFP... LETS PAINT SOMETHING
INFJ... thats a great idea
ENFP... then nap.
ENFP... Zzzzzz
ENFP... brb

..Most rabbits can only count to four..

Today is more of a serious post than a silly post.  I'll be back to the silliness soon though :)


I am having a "Fiver" day and I could really use my "Hazel" right now.

...A change is coming - I can feel it like a shift in the wind or a new smell.  I am less sure of things and not yet sure I am ready - and yet when the time comes I know I will drop my slice of pizza and jump down that Fire-Fighters pole with a whole heart, a clear head and ready to run into a burning building (Or rescue a cat)









Todays mood:  Like Water.


Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way round or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves.

Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend.

Blue-Space-Monkey-Fox-Man speaks

The 50 foot billboards of life that advertise the obvious things I am supposed to pay attention to have been ignored (As always).  However, last night my newly Christened Spirit Animal (As far as I can tell he is a blue-Space-Monkey possibly one of his parents was a Fox) spoke. Actually he communicates in squeaks. He is as wise as he is silly.

Today will be different now - The change came at about 11.30p.m. last night as I lay there listening to the dog chewing a squeaky toy. The Anti-Serendipity is gone. The Hubris is gone. The party of pity is definitely all gone. This morning it is replaced with space, peace, compassion, discernment and determination. Challenges await later today, but they have become more like a Squash partner from accounts rather than the leary-eyed razor monsters of a few days ago. This is good. I am here and now, the immediate past sucks so I have mortgaged all my hotels from there and am going to call an end to the game of Monopoly whilst I have cash and I haven't landed on the expensive purple square yet.

Mood of the day: Maybe I haven't passed GO an didn't collect 200 dollars but at least
I landed on Free Parking :)

INFJ : If it doesn't work, dig a big hole for yourself.

There are 2 new phenomena happening in my life the last week and I am now on the look out waiting to see what will happen next.  Well, they are sort of one and the same, cause and effect, not sure, still trying to make sense of it. 

The first one, I have decided to call "Anti-Serendipity" 

Definition: Trying hard to do (Or not do) a certain important thing, and having it go MORE disastrously wrong the harder you try.   

At least 5 times this week I thought I was doing something good and it turned into "train-wreck in slow motion badness". The more I try to not do it, the worse it gets! 

In my case this is ONLY happening with one person. Career = Great! Personal life = Proud of myself. Money = Spending itself nicely.

What does it all mean? Well I figure it means one (or more) of these things:

1) I am trying wayyyy too hard.

2) I am being punished for someTHING awful by someONE awful.

3) This is life's way of bitch-slapping some sense into me.

4) I am really incredibly and mind-bendingly STUPID. 

5) I am making up excuses for myself.

6) "Anti-Game"

Anti-Game - I have always known I "Don't have Game". I am not a player. Putting on my game face is not part of my morning cup of tea and shower habits. I am fine with this, I have been getting along VERY nicely in life without it. Here is the thing though - I might have developed the OPPOSITE of game. 

To sum this up:  Whatever it is that you are NOT supposed to do, I am doing that. Fine, but I have somehow become AWARE of this happening - being aware is much worse. 

Here is my action plan - In 3 days I am going to grade myself on all three, with extra marks being awarded for "getting over myself."

1) Be the natural, dependable, confident and cool guy that I normally am (When my life is not being turned upside down.)

2) Stop making excuses.

3) Stop trying to have Game - The only game I have is Cricket.

Today's mood: Remarkably good under the circumstances.

No idea what my favorite color is..

Ok so I was thinking, Colors are nice, I like them all. No idea what my favorite is, why is this such a popular question and what deep and meaningful conclusions are people drawing about me?  What is so special about the blue club anyway?  Do they all have a secret blue party each year?  I don't get it.

I have a hard time thinking of my favorite anything - song, movie, book, color, food.

What pigeon hole does this put me in? Maybe I am simply not a pigeon, maybe I am one of those flightless parrots from New Zealand?  I saw one on a TV show - They are very rare and one humped Stephen Fry's head. What kind of boxes do people put flightless humping-parrots into?

I suppose what I am saying is I am starting to think I am very rare and a lot of people just don't know what to make of me - in fact, if you think you know what to make of me it is probably a documentary or some sort of pie.

Do, or do not, there is no try.

I think when sayings from Star Wars start to make meaningful and resonant sense to your own life then it means one of two things:

1) You are having a bit of a hard time at the moment.
2) You are an INFJ.
3) You need to shut up and nut-up.

That's me all over at the moment anyway. Finding strange significance in things that would otherwise be trivial and yet stubbornly ignoring the huge glaring sign post that is blinking in front of me.. Having strange and complicated conversations with inner beings. Damn, maybe I should chose a spirit animal or something - I heard sometimes therapists will ask you to do that... no idea what mine would be.. I don't really picture an animal at all - he is more sort of a wise old guy with blue skin and a kind face.  He might be an ape or alien of some sort. I don't think my spirit animal could be a monkey though. Maybe a Fox, I don't know why but that kind of works...

For my spirit animal I choose something like a cross between these two pictures:

Ok I am off to look up what a blue monkey-fox symbolizes as a spirit animal.  Whatever he is he better start coughing up some answers - I can't drive very well when he is talking to me.

My horoscope told me I need to be very quiet and stay in my room today - For some reason I have an urge to go out and do stuff though - I think this is typical of my life at the moment:

Fear VS Adventure.  I say ADVENTURE EVERY-TIME!!!

With this in mind I bought Cuban food today on an adventurous whim - "Hey! Guess what?! We are going on a culinary adventure all the way to tropical Havana!!" - The food though turned out to be a combination of dried up hard carrot like things and greasy dishwater.  I need to keep checking on my friend on an hourly basis in case she gets ill from the bite she politely ate of it - she may lose a tooth.

Todays mood is Adventurous (With disastrous results)

Snippet of chat with W.G.


P... my shoes smell.
W... I think I washed them too much
P... You r shoes smell?
W... stinky
P... I think shoes are kinda supposed to smell - it would be weird if they didnt..
P... I mean
W... no
W... you bragged about how clean your feets are lol
W... and how they dont smell
P... My shoes smell - but my feet are not really whiffy at all.. at least I am told..
W... so.
W... wait.
W... Who's been smelling your patas to tell you that?
P... peoples
P... I know people.. like..... not lately I admit...
P... OMG
P... Maybe they started smelling?!?!?! How would I know?!!?
P... I cant reach enough to whiff them
P... I need to go to Yoga
P... Brain fart - whats my ext?

Clearly this article misses the point?

Couldn't resist posting on this... 


http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-12187409


Headline: "Judge rules inmate 'bitten on penis by rodent' may sue"

"County officials disputed whether the culprit was a rat or mouse" - I think they are kind of missing the point here? Clearly the man's thingie is shaped like a piece of cheese..

'Allo there, it's the Adios motherf@#$%r Bloke!

Ok here goes, 7 days, 7 posts - Let's see if I can make sense of any of it?

Being English in America? It's not ideal - not at all. English people don't like to complain, I mean we REALLY don't.  We will suffer through the worst restaurant service or the most excruciatingly awkward social gatherings, even listen to European pop music without so much as a complaint.  We are generally quiet and don't mouth off a lot. We are like the Greyhounds of the human world - We don't bark or crap your lawn a lot, oh and we run fast. This being said - you all need to understand this is not fun for us here!

Americans frequently tell me how awesome it must be to be English, but I am here tell you it isn't! I look at myself as pretty good case in point - I am somewhat educated, well spoken, modestly successful and do not suffer from any major social disorders etc (Aside from my hair, which is completely rubbish.) so you'd think I'd be fine right? Well..

A picture of my night yesterday - I recently moved out of my house due to being domestically challenged and am sharing a house with a very nice lady. Sounds ok so far right? Well, I was sick, and I don't do sick very well at the best of times.  So I am lying there thinking to myself "Well, this is not good. No one called, no one checked in to see if I am alright or want a pie, nothing." So I thought to myself - "You know what? I am going to go and make some soup for myself - bugger you Arizona".  So I limped over to the local convenience store in my barely fit for public sick-costume and I stand in line with my bread rolls and potatoes looking like crap I am sure. Next thing a guy I met once in a local bar sees me and shouts "OI!! 'Allo there, it's the Adios motherf@#$%r Bloke!"

Now.. at this point I should probably get to the main point of my post: I made the mistake some weeks earlier of trying to be normal and going to the bar for a drink - clearly a mistake.  Whilst there I offered to buy my friend a drink (More about her later I will just call her "Work girl" for now) and she proclaimed her interest in a lurid blue beverage which is apparently known locally as the "Adios Mother F@#$%6r" - "Ok", I hear you say?  Well there I am waiting at the bar. this is familiar ground to a Brit like me - We love standing at bars and ordering drinks, been doing it since I was 16. SO. Here I go - "Can I please have a pint of Guinness, yes Guinness, in a glass... yes pour the.. yes.. no not a can.. oh.. you only have cans? no taps? This is a bar correct? oh ok.. yes well I suppose that's acceptable and not at all uncivilized.. well a "CAN" of your VERY finest Guinness and an Adios Motherf@#$%^ please".  Ok. Fine so far? No. Because apparently saying "Adios MotherF@#$%^" in an English accent is comedy gold to the average bar-person in Arizona. I mean he literally split a side - I literally made his night. I think he called his mum and dad to tell them. He almost cried. He bought me three drinks.

So anyway, back to the convenience store - All of a sudden while I day dream about soup and rolls the very same Bar-PErson shouts out across the store in a sort of excited moo "OI!! 'Allo there, it's the Adios motherf@#$%r Bloke!" - This is the worst thing you can do to an INFJ Englishman - make everyone look at him. But there I am, the entire store looking at me with an expression on there faces which I can only describe as "OH JOY! He's going to say something in a funny accent!! This will really make my day!!!" - to which I promptly went into my shell and did not start singing Dick Van Dyke, or say anything witty and foppish like Hugh Grant. No. I just said "errr Credit please mate" and left.

Exhausting, excruciating - and there is this sort of feeling of disappointment that I did not somehow say something really cool and English like "Make it so, number 2" or "One ring to rule them all Frodo" - Perhaps I should have gone to stage school. Perhaps that should be part of immigration?  I am thinking of going everywhere dressed as a villain from an 80's movie - that might keep people happier. I don't know but whatever the answer I am pretty sure I am being grumpy today. Yes 7 says, 7 posts and 7 moods - todays is grumpy.

More tommorow. Oh yes, I've got lots more.